Yesterday I was really spinning. Could not get focused. Fussing, stymied, wanting clarity so badly about what the hell I am doing, wanting to know what should I do with all this freedom. Finally after wandering around my house, feeling as though I was muffled against my joy, I sat down with the tarot.
What’s going on? Using the Thoth deck
I pull the Fool and immediately begin to cry. Ah, release! I have found that no matter what’s up, when the tears come I have broken open on some level. Immediate relief. Of course, I get the Fool! I am free! As free as the fool. Ungrounded in a full-time job, not much family, no romantic relationship, alone on the precipice or more likely in midair. But I have not hit bottom... yet. It amazes me but I think my daily meditation, my ongoing work with clearing myself, observing myself is actually paying off. Fear is always there but it nips at my heels like the tiger in Crowley’s Fool, there, but not holding me back.
How to move through my fear of falling and back to my joy?
Knight of Cups One of my favorite cards. A beautiful Knight with angel wings offering up his cup to light. So I just need to continue to proffer myself, give myself up to light. The knight or king of cups is the fiery aspect of water. I like that. It’s a passionate offering up to my higher self, connecting with deep emotion.
I am being asked to leap off the cliff with grace and open arms, leap with my heart tethered to the divine, leap up towards joy, love, ecstasy of being. This may seem Fool-ish in this time of seeming contraction but I am ready to heal myself on all levels and definitely working on opening to a higher level of relationship. I am liberating myself for the quantum leap.