October 19, 2009
An opportunity has arisen for some self-reflection. Self righteous anger. An incident recently has me looking at my anger, my reaction was of such intensity which is unusual for me. Instead of exploring the feelings, I lashed out and oh, it felt good! and of course it hurt someone and they lashed back and here I am am trying to become an enlightened person, so I couldn’t just let it go. The ongoing conversation was a clue that I could not stay in the present until I worked this out. So I sat in meditation and looked at all the opportunities this brought forth to me The opportunity for a more honest relationship with this person. Anger is good for that if you can work through the rubble after firing through the wall. I want more honesty in relationship... how the hell do you do that without being righteous? or in ego? Another time. Anyway I drew cards about my anger As I began to pick cards using my pendulum, I began to cry and lo and behold I get the nine of cups. Emotions free and flowing. Anger breaks down my own walls so that I can feel. Connect to more happiness. OK I then asked what is this anger about specifically and I get the princess of cups. A wonderfully vulnerable and soft card . My anger is about my perception that I cannot be open and vulnerable with people that I will get, have been whacked. I can feel the protection rising. I was protecting a friend but I was really tapping into my own memories of vulnerability. Her predicament just brought this up for me And then I asked what is all this reflection for? What is the opportunity here?
I get the Queen of Wands. My own empowerment. She is full of fire, but not angry. Though in in the Crowley deck she looks angry. I have always had trouble with this card and I realize it is about my anger. I am afraid of my own power and somehow it is stuck in my anger. Whoa! This is an epiphany. This issue of my anger has come up before but I have not understood where to take it. I am on to something here not yet formulated. More to follow I am sure. More opportunities to clear.
October 20, 2009 More Reflections on Anger
This is my mother's birthday who believed that anger killed her caused her to be so sick she had to ascend. She was processing anger about her past to such a degree that it affected her liver until it looked liked an alcoholic’s liver, shriveled up. She didn’t make it. The anger was so great. So perhaps it is appropriate to continue to look at this.
I ask my mother to be with me as I choose cards to day exploring my anger, the world’s anger, our anger.
First question: What is our collective anger? Seven of cups. In the crowlwey deck the word is debauch. An excuse to muck around in feelings. Love turned to muck Feelings taken to such depth that we lose ourselves, our essence of love. It is sticky and as I have recently experienced by throwing my anger around, another’s unconsciousness of their anger can then get stuck in the muck of hurt feelings and insecurities eliciting defensiveness and pretty soon you have this uproar of feelings, a quick sand that sucks you both down unless...
Next question: How to extract from anger?
Five of words - Extract yourself from the mind. The five of swords is defeat. Someone loses. Actually everyone loses in some sense. So the thought of why you are angry that self-righteous chatter in your head needs to be released. I can attest to this process I worked all last night in my yoga class to release, let go. It worked but took concentrated effort.
I then asked. What is the next step in healing the rift created with this anger? I am asking specifically for my self. Princess of Disks. I don’t have a clue. Something new needs to be reborn. Let me ask spirit.
Spirit says: You can continue to shine the light of truth upon the situation and brng it into balance for yourself and for the other, if they are interested I can continue to see the light through the forest. Don’t give up. Even though the situation does not seem to be changing in the physical realm, you can make changes on the ethereal and there will be a shift for you and that person or situation.
Thank you spirit. Thank you for this opportunity to explore. world’s anger, our anger.
First question: What is our collective anger? Seven of cups. In the Crowley deck the word is debauch. An excuse to muck around in feelings. Love turned to muck Feelings taken to such depth that we lose ourselves, our essence of love. It is sticky and as I have recently experienced this by throwing my anger around, and inciting another’s unconscious anger which got them stuck in the muck of hurt feelings and insecurities eliciting defensiveness and soon you have this uproar of feelings, a quick sand that sucks you both down unless...
Next question: How to extract from anger?
Five of words - Extract yourself from the mind. The five of swords is defeat. Someone loses. Actually everyone loses in some sense. So the thought of why you are angry that self-righteous chatter in your head needs to be released. I can attest to this process I worked all last night in my yoga class to release, let go. It worked but took concentrated effort.
I then asked. What is the next step in healing the rift created with this anger? I am asking specifically for my self. Princess of Disks. I don’t have a clue. Something new needs to be reborn. Let me ask spirit.
Spirit says: You can continue to shine the light of truth upon the situation and brng it into balance for yourself and for the other, if they are interested I can continue to see the light through the forest. Don’t give up. Even though the situation does not seem to be changing in the physical realm, you can make changes on the ethereal and there will be a shift for you and that person or situation.
Thank you spirit. Thank you for this opportunity to explore.
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To see an edited and published version of this reflection, check out my column in Isis Scrolls at Isiscrolls.com
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